A young pilot in a Fighter Jet was flying escort for a B-52 Bomber and generally being a nuisance, acting like a big hotshot, flying loops around the lumbering old bomber. I was very nervous, she said. Well, I, too, am a SEASONED Veteran! 27. I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the A friend paid my mother a visit. Long Haul He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. When the Marine finishes up, he starts to head for the door. A soldier and a marine were walking through the woods one day when they came upon a bear. Theres a post recall and he went to work. But other times, we also want some good clean humor with no chance of ruffling feathers. The military refers to a collection of all the armed forces of a particular country.. ", "Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a very close shave. Pilots 5. Multi Engine Training Manual When one engine fails on a twin-engine aircraft, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash, 48. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. You had tents?, USAF: Birds Without a letter from public affairs, well have to take your camera. I did the only thing I could do: I pulled a notepad and pen from my bag and wrote a letter giving myself permission to take photos. Germany, like other NATO members, is protected by . Soldier: No way, you guys had air conditioners? Why arent there any insects in an Army base? Filed Under: Lifestyle, Veteran Life Tagged With: funny, humor, jokes, military jokes. Ocean Pearl, I answered. Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. What did one panicking sailor say to the other? In-dough-structible What did the Navy dentist put on his license plate? Read more. Dear Soldier, If youre having a rough day, remember the most important thing in life is to be yourself. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. Attention! If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite, 15. But my fears were put to rest one day while getting into formation, which was determined by height. 43. Problems reported by Pilots and Solutions noted by Aircraft Engineers in aircraft Technical Logs. Even his son turned up. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. You can see why: Members of the U.S. Navy are known to be a pretty sarcastic bunch. At least SEVEN Cs! In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. The modern age of military aviation is often considered to begin around the conclusion of the Vietnam war. He replied, When they stopped shooting at me.. 2. His son had clearly focussed more on dividing rather than conquering. Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Army territory Age: 57 Posts: 26 Likes: 0 Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes As a new poster, I hope you can help me. Sometime later, when the examination was Coffee tastes better if the latrines are dug downstream from an encampment. A lot of the jokes on this list I heard while I was in the Marines, but I want to give credit to our friends at ralleypoint.com and unijokes.com. All you dummies fall out. As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. (Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan). MARCH! Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. These military jokes about the United States Air Force are a mixed bag. In this great little clip, an SR-71 pilot tells a story about flying around the Western United States to build up crew hours when small plane pilots started calling into air traffic control to ask . You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool. R-i-i-ing!) Either way, it is a simple gesture that will be sure to get a grin. WARNING: Tons of dad jokes lie ahead. Pre-flight briefing from Canadian Air Force Pilot If you hear me yell Eject, Eject, Eject, the last two will be echoes. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. When the general asked, Which outfit are you in? the Marine replied, Dress blues, sir, with medals!. "Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees", "But Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. You might be in the Coast Guard if you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out. Thats why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. Good news and bad news, my instructor said. P | Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. "OK Suzy" said the teacher, "please tell the class your. Baltimore, said Dad. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. While waiting every one will come by multiple times except yours, 62. Tell these quips to a friend in the service to give them a good chuckle. Thats Daddy. Caller: Sgt. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. It took the poor guy all day. 1. ! The U.S. Air Force chooses their hotels based on the stars. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. 9. 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition), How to Unregister a Gun in your Name? He then added confidentially, Weve already been through three escorts. ", "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?". Cabin Attendant Two-legged mobile device for extracting cash from a captive audience, 56. S | No 2 propeller seepage normal - No 1, No 3, and No 4 propellers lack normal seepage. A military sergeant lieutenant saying Based on my experience But something struck me as odd. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. You might be in the Coast Guard if you think of Fridays as field days. 11. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. 3. Everything from puns to some sarcastic one-liners are included in the Army jokes below to crack on an Army member you know and love. During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. 49. Everyone seemed OK with this order except for one confused recruit. He nodded. Two thousand dollars a week, he replied. You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet. I set out a roach bombthey defused it. Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard. [Answered]. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we landit's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern". Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. For example, heres what happens when each of them is told to secure a building. Dear Veterans, You rock more than AC/DC or Metallica or Red Hot Chili Peppers. A drill serGENTLEMEN! If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. A sailor and a marine are both in the bathroom peeing. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. Rodrigues? An Airman, Soldier, and Marine are sitting around talking about hardships they faced on their last deployment. He snapped off a Halt! shouted our drill instructor. Forty years later, Dad met the man responsible, and he told him how impressed he had been. The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. I asked an employee whether they still carried my deodorant. Great jokes, Im an inactive Marine (58 years) but still get a kick out of this type of humor. All of a sudden, a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks Is your car stuck sir?, The general climbs out, hands his keys over, and slides into the lieutenants car before saying, Nope. They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus. The Best Short Military Jokes 1. Did you hear about the big accident on base? 100 Hilarious Airplane Jokes That Are Surely to Take Off Unless you're a pilot, an aeronautical engineer, a hang-around traveler, or simply someone who enjoys aviation, airplane jokes are surely right up your alley. When our drill instructor demanded an explanation, the man bellowed, This recruit has proved himself worthless and weak and is being mailed home to his mother!. A Military lab has developed a pizza that boasts a shelf life of three years without being frozen, and now the Week has asked its readers to name this durable dish. I will take the both of you for a ride. Learn from the mistakes of others. Why was the sergeant made when his son brought home an A in math? I lifted up my rifle and gave it one last try: George!! Eat up! The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. Why Do We Celebrate It? My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. Another landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another one.". Some are jokes that only the U.S. Air Force can understand while others are jokes made about those who are USAF members. My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. I wanted to join the Marines but I fell just short of their requirements. Now, they are wanted for dessertion. Guys, do you know some jokes related to military aviation? Want some really over-the-top, cheesy jokes about the military? ", Continental 635 "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers", 53. 29. Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. Thanks. My granddaughters husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. I smiled and said, Sure was a lot of em, huh sir?. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? I instantly knew I was in the right outfit when I looked around. Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. He wanted to move out of the barracks as soon as possible. How tough? Sidling right up to the student, the speaker shouted in his ear, What would you do for a patient in the event of a nuclear war? After a long pause, he thundered, The alphabet?!. Ask the Navy to secure a building and they will turn off all the lights and lock all the doors at 1700. If you cant pick it up, paint it. Why were the Marines invented? Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. Keeping it safe for democracy. Lori Shandle-Fox. She told me she warships them. SUB sandwiches! The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. When I told him I had no clue how to make soup, he handed me a cookbook and instructed, Follow the directions carefully. Did it work? If it doesnt move, pick it up. How old are you? a tenant asked. She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. The Soldier agreed, and when the Marine went to get his drink he started spitting in the Marines boots. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. However, a great landing is one where you can use the airplane again afterwards. S | Auto land not installed on this aircraft. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. 39. When they landed, the pilot turned to Warren and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. Marine: Wait, stop. Warren and his wife Joy went to the local Air Show every year, and every year Joy would say, "Warren, I'd like to ride in that helicopter. Aeronautical Humor. When they come home, they get to leave their inlaws thousands of miles away. One day, the rain was pouring like crazy and a big puddle formed in front of a local pub just outside the Navy base. 2. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. I'm impressed! On landing, the Stewardess said, Please be sure to take all of your belongings. 42. You know you cant outrun a bear, right?, The soldier said, The way I see it, I just have to outrun you.. A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. Aircraft Pilot "Radar, we're a flight of two A10s, currently overhead and, er, we've forgotten our callsign", Radar Controller: "No problem, we'll allocate temporary ones: adopt callsign Stupid One and Stupid Two". The main job of the military is to provide the country's citizens absolute protection from both internal and external attacks. A LOOtenant! Semper Pie 6, 2 to cheer, 2 to fire the weapon and 2 to take pictures! They want their patients to see 20:20! Yes, she said. The sailor calls out and says, In boot camp, they taught us to wash our hands after taking a leak. The Marine replies, In our boot camp, they teach us not to piss on our hands.. How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is halfway over? Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!, 21. and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. Why didnt the troop tell anyone about their rank in the military? Why, certainly, young man, he said, as he reached under his desk and handed me a large pair of bolt cutters. The Marines will kill everyone inside and then set up headquarters. 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. How much noise can we make up here? Why does the military only allow dress shirts during ceremonies and events? The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. Marine: Wait, stop. Every military branch thinks that theyre the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. Aviation Humor. Max Stanley (Test Pilot) The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world It can just barely kill you, 31. One day, the pilot of a single-engine Cherokee was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. Get up! Checking to see that he had everyones attention, he asked, What is the first rule?, Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, Shut up, Drill Sergeant!, Army Says: HOOOOOAH! Later, I spoke with Mom. Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a paring knife, I could peel these potatoes faster. The cook turned slowly to my father and said, Son, youre in the Army. Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor Explore Education Career Save From scontent-mxp1-1.xx.fbcdn.net Military Jokes N Nawar K. 644 followers More information Military Jokes Army Humor Funny Photos Funny Images Aviation Humor History Jokes Warrior Quotes Stupid Funny Memes Hilarious More information . Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can of dehydrated water (in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can). 38. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. Pointing to the My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. Military jokes 291 Pins 3y D Collection by Devyn Scholtes Similar ideas popular now Military Humor Military Quotes Humor Funny Memes Military Jokes Army Humor Army Memes Military Life Funny Posts Hilarious Memes Humor Funny Memes Spongebob Memes My son is in Marine Infantry School and one of his best friends is in the Air Force Academy. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. His reply was quick and to the point: You didnt.. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. Put your hand up if youre the laziest., 24 men raised their hands, so the senior chief turns to the last man and says, Why didnt you raise your hand, sailor?, The sailor replies, It was too much trouble, senior chief.. The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. We recommend our users to update the browser. Do you have change for a dollar? Officer: Soldier. Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? Even his son turned up. Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself., My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. All you have to do is remove the dirt.. Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. Related read: 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. We are currently looking for former Marines to join the team who are interested in writing about tactical gear, survival gear, hiking supplies, etc. I say again, stand down and divert your course. Home Blog 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition). USAF Manual It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you have just bombed, 6. A military warrant officer saying Okay now watch this shit. The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. Unfortunately, the sun was shining Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. (pointing at the sky). Known to bicker and make fun of each other often, its likely that those in the military have a good sense of humor. What do you call a snail that boards a Navy ship? Im 81 years old, he answered. The local band hired to greet them was playing a popular hit of the time, I Wonder Whos Kissing Her Now.. Emergency Checklist Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have, 16. Minimum Connecting Time Time it takes an Olympic Gold Medal sprinter to run between two gates, 61. Mother, as you know, I, too, am a captain in the Air Force. Where are you from? Related read: When Is Military Appreciation Month? Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. ", The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with "I made it out of DC-8 parts. How tough? What happened when a soldier went into an enemy bar? I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance", To this, Warren replied, "Joy that helicopter is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. They are the ones protecting us at all times from external threats. The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire, 47. Two sailors were discussing which assignments theyd like to get.
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